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* RUBBER TARZAN *
That's the second time this week, sleepyhead!
Hey, you!
You're not supposed to be here!
Watch your tongue, young man! This is a school!
So cool, man.
Well, if it ain't the muscleman, Ivan Olsen.
- He of the big muscles. - Let's have a look at them.
But you know that I don't have any muscles.
You know it's damn expensive to have such muscles, Ivan.
- They need to be maintained. - Please don't...!
Leave me alone!
No, don't!
Look out for the sharks, Ivan Olsen.
Oh, here he comes! Let's go!
Stop!
You're peeing too much, Ivan.
Yes?
You have to be here on time, Ivan.
- Look at you, what happened? - It was just an accident.
Just have a seat, and get out your book.
- Please continue, Nina? - Yes.
"First they got oats, as did the poor.
"So they had wheat, and fat."
"Then they got beer, from rye."
Thank you, Nina Ivan... can you do the next part?
- No. - Why not, Ivan?
I don't know where we are.
Here. Now read.
I'm no good with letters. Can't we do something else?
In school you have to learn from books.
- Why? - It's the law, Ivan.
But I'll never learn those thousands of letters.
There are not that many, Ivan.
- I think there are awfully many. - OK, you'll read another time.
But keep at it, then you'll learn them.
Come on, Inge... Yes, it's here. Open the door.
Careful with the TV. Nothing but trouble with you!
You wait for the next one!
- Hi. - Sssh, Dad's asleep.
- Why? - Dad has a headache. Oh no, look at you!
It feels like all I'm doing is washing, ironing, and drying.
You're also good with the vacuum cleaner.
Don't worry about it. Go inside.
- So what did you learned in school today? - Nothing special.
Nothing special...?! What the hell happened to you?
So none of you learned anything in school?
Well, not me, at least.
But it's scandalous. I'm paying taxes, so my son can attend school and learn!
- So what am I paying for?! - I don't know.
Don't get Dad worked up, Ivan.
- I'll get a stupid and incompetent son! - Yeah, I suppose so.
And the bullies made your pants wet again?
- You better become a real he-man soon. - What's that?
Well, it's a... Learn to fight back. A he-man can beat them all.
- I can't beat anyone. - You can't do anything at all.
- You're a wimp. - Yes, I guess so.
Wimp.
Get back inside. I have to go find my kite.
You want wet pants?
- What the hell are you doing? - You ran over my kite!
That was not very nice of you!
Kite-killer!
You think your work is over? You think this is a playground?
Go on with your job. We're behind schedule.
You hould try to be Ivan Olsen and get your pants wet everyday.
But you don't care, do you, George?
- Turn the lights off, - Good night, George.
Thorkild? Thorkild... Aren't you coming to bed?
All this work. I can't take it anymore.
Stop it, Ivan. I'm busy. You'll wreck the vacuum cleaner. Get out of bed.
But it's hungry. And it's way too clean in here.
Nothing wrong with a bit of cleanliness. Come and eat.
Morning, George.
I'll be going now, Thorkild, we're busy at the clinic.
Ha-ha! A lesson for those damn crocodiles!
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Look, this is a real tough guy!
- That guy? - Oh, yeah!
Is he always dragging his wife up into the trees?
She's not his wife. She's Jane.
Tarzan is the king of the apes. He is the king of the jungle and the apes.
But he is only wearing speedos. A real king has a nice coat.
Real kings are wimps!
This guy is a real man. Healthy, strong, and noble.
- He's a bit fat. - Fat? No... that's muscles.
Is he always swimming with his toys?
- What does it say here? - I don't know.
It's only two letters.
Aaaaaahhh...!
We have to build some muscles in you, so you'll become a Tarzan.
Go and get dressed.
- Right now? - Stop that nonsense, Mr. Wimp.
- But what are we doing? - 15 minutes every morning, starting today!
You need strength in your arms, so you can swing from tree to tree.
- But I'll fall down and get a nosebleed. - You're my son, and I'm in charge.
- Why? - Because it's the law.
What a crappy law.
Hang on, hang on, Ivan. And then you flex.
So, hang on, hang on. Steady.
And then you flex again. Go!
And... hang again. And then flex. Come on.
Come on, come on.
I told you I couldn't do the Tarzan!
- You're nothing but a Rubber Tarzan. - I thought I was a wimp.
You are also a wimp. Rubber Tarzan!
Hang on.
Lift your knees.
Yes.
Come on. Up, up. There you go, yes!
Go! Come on.
There... There... Yes.
And... jump!
- Stand still! - Hello.
Ahh, it's Mr. Olsen!
How about learning how to tell time?
- Morning, Rubber Tarzan! - Rubber Tarzan...
So, in a row. Come on, run.
Hop, hop, hop, hop. Yes... quiet!
It takes a lot of strong arm muscles to jump over the 'horse'. A lot!
- Like these. - Can we hang on?
Yep, another one, come!
Just like that. Back in the line.
How about you, Ivan?
No thanks, I think I'll skip today.
Many of us would like to see you jump over.
First one, go!
Stretch the knees.
Move on, go!
Now you, Ivan.
- Ivan! - Go, Gummi-Tarzan.
Ivan, come on.
Shut up...!
There. Good boy, no tears, huh?
Go and fix that nosebleed... Next.
Hold tight... hold tight down there!
Are you out of your mind, Kid?! You think it's a swimming pool?
This water is filled with dirt and filth.
- I was just sitting there... - Yeah, sure.
You scared the hell out of me. You could have drowned here.
What are you doing here? It's not a playground.
- I have to go home now. - First you need some dry clothes.
Give me a break! What kind of outfit is that?
- You look like a purple tsetse fly. - What is that?
I don't know, either.
Here, have some warm tea. Drink until you're boiling.
I totally forgot that I can't swim.
Everybody can swim. But not everyone has learned how yet.
- You really think so? - I know so!
Now we have to dry your clothes.
- What's your name, by the way? - Ivan Olsen.
Alright, Olsen, come along. My name is Ole.
There's a good spot for drying up there.
- Are you coming up with me? - Yeah.
- You'll be careful now, right? - Yes.
- You have a firm grip? - Yes.
- Isn't it dangerous? - Not as long as you keep a firm grip.
We're pretty high up, right?
Yeah... Now you'll see a smart drying machine.
- Can you drive a crane? - No, I can't do anything at all.
Now that's what I call a big lie. Climb into the cage.
- Well, now we're going. - Yes, let's go.
Put on these if the music is too loud.
Just like I said. Dry like dried fish.
- It's a good machine, this one. - Oh, yeah.
Wasn't it you with the kite?
I'm very sorry. But it's not a playground around here.
- No, it's no playground. - Climb down and change.
And be careful the next time you're around
here, Olsen. Let me put this rope around you.
Like that.
And be careful.
Ole, you're pretty good at driving this crane.
Thank you. And you're quite good at climbing down.
There is always something you're good at.
You just have to find out what it is.
Well, I am pretty good at driving this crane.
Then get to it! It's not a ferris wheel you're riding!
A ferris wheel...!
- Hi, Mom, it's just me. - Hi.
- Why are you looking out there? - Because I'm happy.
What on Earth, Ivan? You're not even wet?
- No, and I can swim! - What?
There is always something you are good at. You just have to figure out what it is.
You feel warm. Are you OK?
I'm just happy. I can borrow your bicyle, right?
Well, is Rubber Tarzan out showing off his muscles?
- Can I join in? - You can start by throwing back the ball.
Okay.
You must be getting a lot of pocket money, since you can do something like that.
- No, I only get 2,25 kroner. - You're nothing but a Rubber Tarzan.
- Bull's eye! - No, look at me.
- So, you need help washing your face? - No thanks.
Wow, Gummi, what are you doing all the way up on that one?
- I'm bicycling. - But you're not going anywhere.
I can't get it started.
You're not too smart. You have to work the pedals.
I know. But my legs are too short.
- You want me to help? - Thanks.
No! Help...!
- I'm crashing! - You bandit...!
What the...?
Hold on, I'll help you out.
- This is a private area. - Sorry.
Hello, Ivan.
- Please don't tell Dad. - No, no.
How about it?
- Where is my bunny-poster? - Dad spent his lunch break finding this.
You like that? I think it's ugly.
- Say thanks to Dad. - Hi, there.
Well, what do you say?
- Thanks. - There are more surprises. Wait.
But it's not his birthday yet. Exciting, huh?
Ladies and gents! You can come now!
10 seconds... 5, 4, 3...
2, 1, now.
- How about that? - How about that?
- What time is it? - But you already know, right?
Come.
When the little pointer is at the monkey, and the big one on the crocodile...
what time is it then?
- 20 minutes past Tarzan. - Ah, 20 minutes past... It's six o'clock.
- Ahhh yes. - Of course he knows, Thorkild.
Now you can get up early in the morning. Tarzan will wake you up.
"It lives alone in its shell. It stays strong..."
Thank you, Nina... Ivan, are you OK for some reading today?
- I'm not so sure. - Can we try?
No, I don't think it's a good day for that.
You have to keep up, Ivan. That's how you'll learn.
It seems so difficult, but suddenly it becomes easy. Reading is like that.
Yes, I guess so.
Listen to this. Nina!
"This is the strong Samson-cat. He has eaten 10 cows.
"That's when he shouted even more."
"And Bamse-bear thought about what he was doing."
The weather will be great on your birthday.
- Or maybe rainy and stormy. - No, they said it would be good weather.
You can have some friends over. Then we make hot chocolate.
- I don't have any friends. - I'm sure you do have, Ivan.
- Nope... - Of course you have.
- Everybody has friends. - Nope...
Think hard, I'm sure you'll remember some friends, Mr. Wimp.
I already bought cards for invitations.
Everybody has friends. Look at me. I got plenty of friends at the EDB-Central.
- So you can invite three. - No...
Thorkild Olsen.
Yes...
Yes, of course it's my computer.
Ohhh, that was because...
Yes, I understand.
You better come in an hour earlier tomorrow!
Write the name of your best friend there. Then I promise you good weather.
Right, my dear?
- Hi, Ivan. - Hi.
- Busy? - Nope...
So why don't you stop for a minute and say hello?
- Hi and have a good one. - What did you say?
My mom told me to say that.
Of course. You want a piece of cake?
Yes, thank you.
- Have you been working on swimming skills? - No, some guys wet my pants.
Quite heavy, this one.
About your wet pants... What's that about?
My mom is mad that she always have to dry me.
Some of the big boys do it to me.
They're not too bright. It's a waste of good water.
There are many places in the world where people don't have water.
So it's a damn waste of good water pouring it on you.
- They're not too smart. - Nope, they're not too smart.
- Can I try one of those? - Just take good care of it.
Hello, hello? The big container calling.
One of them, I move them around.
Can you see the big red one over there? It's being shipped to Africa.
- That's where Tarzan lives, right? - You believe in Tarzan?
No, but my father does. He thinks that I'm a Rubber Tarzan.
He really calls you Rubber Tarzan?
I'm a Rubber Tarzan, too.
I've seen the real Tarzan. He swings around in the trees, fooling around.
I have only seen him dragging his wife up into the trees...
and swimming with the crocodiles.
Yes, exactly! He is pretty foolish, right?
My father thinks he is a real tough guy.
I don't like tough guys.
That big red monster travels around the entire world, experiencing a lot of stuff.
I've been dreaming about traveling the world.
- All the things you could experience... - Just imagine if you could fly!
- Yeah, all around the world! - I'd like to learn how to ride a bike.
- Maybe even around the world. - I can teach you.
- You think?? - I know I can!
Come by after work, then I'll teach you.
Really? Today?
Two Rubber Tarzans like us can deal with all of it.
Do you know how to fish?
No, but I have a goldfish by the name George.
Sometimes I borrow a boat and sail out in the bay.
Not long ago I had a huge salmon on the hook...
It came out of the sea with a big splash.
But I was clinging on to the fishing rod, my hands
were shaking. The fish was fighting and fighting...
Suddenly, the line started running loose. It just ran and ran.
I thought to myself 'Dammit, now it will get away'.
But no, instead the boat began to sail faster!
Is it really true?
You think Rubber Ole would lie on such matter?
So the giant salmon was plowing through the water.
The sea was furious. But I kept on holding it tight with all my muscles.
Then I cried out to the fish... I roared at the top of my voice:
"Ha-ha, I'll get you, you giant beast!"
- What beast are you talking about? - Ehhh, just a fish.
I only see a giant ass. And it needs to work, so get to it!
- Did you catch the salmon? - Oh boy, did I catch it?!
It pulled me all the way to Sweden. So there
I had it for lunch with Swedish mustard.
Yeah, so... Ivan, you better climb down now...
and make sure that stupid man doesn't see you.
I would really like to catch a salmon with mustard.
First we have to learn how to bicycle later today.
- OK. - Ahh, you got me.
- Bye, Ole. - Bye now. See you later.
Open up, Ivan! What's the matter with you?
The car needs a washing, move it!
- But I promised Ole I would come. - You have to help with the car.
But he's going to teach me how to ride a bike.
I'll teach you later.
It's very exciting, washing cars.
I don't think it's exciting, and I promised him.
You can't make a promise when you're supposed to help your Dad.
- Unbelievable. - Let him have his own way.
His way?!
The car needs a washing, and Mom needs to go to the bathroom...
- Rubber Tarzan. - Open up, now!
- Very good, Sweetie. - Get some work clothes on, and the sponge.
Remember what I told you! Long, smooth horizontal strokes.
Ivan, stop fooling around!
- What the hell? - Nothing to worry about.
It's a dent. It's vandalism.
People have no respect for property.
There is nothing so tormenting as dents.
It will never be the same again!
Ivan? Ivan? First the dent, then that little rat!
Ahhh, dammit!
- What the hell is that noise? - I can't make it today.
- Hey you! - Umm, suddenly I got caught in here...
- Can't you read? - Yes... but my son...
- We can do it another day. - Really?
Sure... Go home and do that car-wash. We don't want any trouble, right?
I'll come by tomorrow and then we can arrange it.
Alright, I have to move on now.
Ole, this is for you. Here you are. It has your name right there.
Much appreciated, Ivan. I have an idea for your birthday.
- You'll be the only guest. - Then my idea fits perfectly.
Go on home now.
Bye, Ole.
- I missed the sign. - This is a place for work!
If we had to move all the time to give way for foolish private drivers...
- You actually deserve to be without that
little car for a week. - I can't be without it!
Alright, let's go.
I had a small errand.
I had to give Ole a message.
It didn't take long.
- Ole is always at the harbor? - Yes.
- What do his parents do? - I don't know.
You owe me a carwash, Rubber Tarzan!
Ivan... Ivan...!
Come here a second.
Would you like to learn how to drive the crane?
Me?
- No no, I can't do anything. - Stop it, Ivan.
In a few days you'll be able to ride a bike.
Right now you'll learn how to run a crane.
Come here. Come on.
- You're crazy! - Why? I'm still working.
There you go, you almost know how to drive a crane.
I guess I almost can.
One of those days, huh?
I know the feeling. I feel the same some times.
- It's probably not the exact same thing. - I'm sure it is. I have an idea.
That thing about just looking at the ships in the sea, when you're feeling down...
that's totally alright. But I know something better to do.
And that's spending half an hour in that old container.
It's that old, rusty box over there.
It's the ancient grandfather of containers.
It looks pretty banged up to me.
I know that a lot of people have sneaked into
it, and have experienced a thing or two.
- As long as you have your imagination. - What do you mean?
That old container has sailed all over the world.
From North to South, from East to West.
And now it has retired?
No, it's resting there in the free air, while the seagulls defile it...
and the wind is singing in the grass, and the waves breaks by the rocks.
It will be very pleased to have someone like you to visit it.
You're exactly the kind of boy that it likes.
I know several people who have sneaked into the red container...
and experienced strange things.
As long as you bring your imagination with you.
Well, if it ain't Rubber Tarzan with a hat!
So what is a Superman like you up to?
- I'm doing 'long-spitting'. - Let's see. Show us what you're made of.
- He did it! - Anything else?
- Let's see if you can do it again? - Okay.
He is out of his mind, that Rubber Tarzan!
No, not him again! Not Rubber Tarzan.
- Are you gonna act stupid again? - If you say so.
Rubber! Rubber!
Good game.
What's that all about? I hear you're acting like a
tough guy, Rubber? You're going to bike-ride, too?
If I had time to waste, I'd wet your pants, you big dumb-ass.
Hey, repeat that!
You got bad ears? I was talking about wetting your pants.
I don't have time to chat with you, you big ham.
- Come here, you! - Nope, catch me if you can.
- He wants to race a motorbike? - Are you coming?
I only needed two, but maybe it's the special offer of the week?
- Hello! - Something seems changed about you?
- No one wet your pants today? - Nope.
- Did you skip school today? - No, I'm on my way there.
- What did you learn today? - Nothing special.
- What do you mean? - Just nothing special.
What did you do all day?
I played basketball, did some 'long-spitting',
and outran a bully on a bicycle.
- Are you lying to your father? - No, it's true, Mr. Wimp.
Children are not allowed to speak like that to adults.
Adults are not allowed to speak like that to children.
Well, Floppy-Tarzan, you need a swing-about?
Look what you have done to Tarzan!
- You just killed him off. - That's right.
I have a job for you. Let's go, Tarzan.
- We're gonna play a bit. - I don't feel like playing.
Parents don't have to do as they're told by their children.
No, stop it, Ivan. It can be dangerous.
Thorkild, why don't you do something useful?
Isn't he acting silly today?
No, no, not that one!
No, no, careful with that.
Get me out of here.
- He's out of his mind. - Easy now, Ivan.
Remember it's a school. Easy now, Ivan.
Please don't let him use those gigantic muscles...
Easy, Ivan... I'm the teacher.
Ivan... I told you it's a school!
I'm your teacher, Ivan...!
Ivan, I told you to respect the school!
No, Ivan...!
"To hell with all tyrants - Rubber Tarzan."
- Rubber, you'll get what you deserve! - Try to catch me.
We'll get you, Rubber!
There he is!
Get him!
Grab him, dammit!
Rubber padded cell! Rubber padded cell!
Rubber padded cell...
- Hi... Hello, Ivan. - Hi.
Look what I got for you. "The Return of Tarzan".
Yes, I guess it's for me.
- You can read it whenever you want to. - Thanks.
Yeah, we argue sometimes at the EDB-central...
when the computers are tricky and such.
- Nothing to worry about. - Nope...
You have to find out what you're good at.
Well, you two. Ivan must sleep now.
The night before your birthday you need to get to sleep early.
- And tomorrow we have sunshine. - Yeah, I guess so.
- Goodnight, Honey. - Goodnight, my Son.
Goodnight, Tarzan.
Thorkild, enough with you and your Tarzan.
Rubber Tarzan.
Remember to hand these out to everyone at school.
Ask Ole if he wants to join for your birthday.
In honor of the day, I'll drive you to school.
Your private chauffeur is ready.
A monkey, yes. And question No. 2: What does the monkey eat?
- Nina? - A... a banana.
Question No. 3: Where do bananas grow?
- What do you think, Ivan? - I don't know.
I see... You're really nicely dressed today.
- It's because it's my birthday. - Ivan, why didn't you say something?
It is Ivan's birthday. We need some flags and to sing a song.
Are you ready?
- Happy birthday, Ivan. - Thanks.
- Congratulations, Ivan. - Congratulations, Ivan.
Hello... This is for you.
It's Rubber Tarzan's birthday, and he is handing out sweets.
He should have a present.
Your birthday present is that we will not wet your pants today.
We could also have taught you have to bike-ride. Except
that it's impossible for Rubber to learn anything.
I have learned how to drive a crane!
Come again?
I learned how to drive a crane at the harbor.
Prove it!
Yes, that's the one.
What are you waiting for? Get up there!
Go!
Hey...! Hello...!
- Who's up there in the crane? - Rubber. - Ivan?
He was bragging about knowing how to drive it.
Ivan! Ivan...!
Ivan... get in the cage and lower down that container.
Remember what I told you. Slow and steady movements.
And do it properly.
Well done, Ivan! Are you Ivan's buddies?
Not exactly, no.
- We're not friends with Rubber. - What?
Then you have no business here. Now scram. Fast!
Are you out of your mind?! A crane is no toy.
- But you said... - Your life could have been in danger.
They think there's nothing I am good at.
They are the ones who wet your pants? Never mind them. Who cares what they think?
They think I'll never learn anything.
But risking falling off a crane on your birthday... That is silly.
- You remembered it! - Of course.
- Happy birthday, Kiddo. - Thanks.
- You remember about my idea? - Yes. You never said what it was about.
Well, coming to your house might not be a good idea.
- You don't want to? - Sure I want to, but...
I know a special place. It's perfect for a birthday trip.
If you can make your parents come here, they can join in.
That way you will all get a little picnic, right?
Try to make them come. You're OK, kid.
- Are you sure this is the place? - Yes, Ole was very specific.
- Did he tell you about a picnic? - Yeah, sort of.
- But here's no forest. - It was only a kind of picnic.
- There's not a single tree. - I think it's pretty nice here.
Too much of that wimping.
- Hi, Ivan. - Hi.
- What a nice boat you have. - Yes.
Well, I told you, right?
- Greetings, greetings. - Hello.
- Is that Ole's father? - That's Ole. His father isn't coming.
- But he is a grown-up. - Don't worry.
Ivan often comes by for a little chat. I thought a trip like this would be perfect.
Even adults can have use of an adventure now and then.
- We sure have. Right? - Yes.
It's really running nice... the motor, I mean.
Yeah, it's an old diesel-boat.
It's good workmanship. Yeah, they used to have it in them.
You're good at that, huh, Ivan?
What a nice island! Is it yours?
No, it's not mine. But I know who runs this island.
This way to Rubber Ole's hot chocolate-place.
- Are you coming? - Let's go, Tarzan.
Hurrah for Ivan! Hurrah, Hurrah, Hurrah.
And the long one. Hurrah!!!!
It's always nice with a good birthday celebration. And the weather's nice, too.
Do you really have to bring those to every place you go?
They're Ivan's.
Well, this is not a birthday present... It's rather more of a replacement.
- But I think it's good. - Thanks. It's awesome.
- It's pretty. - Yes, it's a kite.
- The tale is a bit short. - How about we just make it longer.
It seems we have no paper to lenghten the tail.
We can use my Tarzan comics, right, Dad?
Well... sure, we can do that.
- Go, Ivan. - Steady movements.
Yes, very good, Ivan. Steady movements.
You go now. I'm used to kites.
- We actually thought Ole was a boy. - And so he is.
- So the boy needs a refill? - Me, too.
Dad... Dad... Dad!
- Tarzan is here. - Stop it, Ivan.
- He's over there. - We'll put your kite up again.
Tarzan is here. He stood right over there.
He's over there, showing off his muscles.
- It must be the leaves. - Let's have a look.
- Wait up a bit, Ivan. - Come on.
Egon, aren't you bringing me the sun lotion, Honey?
Aaarrg, God dammit. My foot, dammit.
You big lump! Always showing off like a gorilla on steroids!
You're always whimpering and whining, whenever we go anywhere.
- Don't be so hard on me! - Now, who's rowing the boat back?
- Go, Ole. - Yes!
- Go, Ole. Pull it. - Easy for you to say.
- Ah, it's diving. - Pull, Ole.
- I am pulling, Ivan. - Steady movements.
Pull towards yourself... small tugs.
It rises again. You're so good at it, man, really good.
Yeah, there is always something you're good at.
You bet.
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